In her book, Procrastination: What It Is, Why It's a Problem, and What You Can Do About It, Fuchsia Sirois shows us, through her extensive research into why we avoid the important tasks of our lives, that the root of procrastination is a failure to self-regulate our emotions.
When we would rather do anything than face a situation that activates our negative emotions, we sacrifice our long-term goals for short-term soothing.
If this becomes a habit, we can impact our mental and physical health by increasing the likelihood for anxiety, depression, sleep disorders, poor diet, and more, which often triggers greater tendencies for procrastination.
Therefore, the more that we can embrace the emotional charge that comes with doing difficult things, by adopting some of the strategies outlined in this book, the more we can move through life with greater confidence and self-esteem.
Feelings of Procrastination
Think about a time when you just couldn't get yourself to do something that you knew you needed to do. Or what about now, is there something you know you should do, but just keep putting it off?
As you imagine taking on the task, whether it's scheduling an appointment, organizing your garage, writing a blog post, or phoning a family member, can you name the emotions that accompany it?
Is the task boring, annoying, frustrating, stressful, dreadful, or anxiety inducing?
What about yourself, do you feel insecure, incompetent, unconfident, or shameful?
Each one of us feels a combination of these or other emotions when facing an important yet difficult task.
The question becomes, what do we do with them?
As a starting point, Sirois gives us a straightforward definition of self-regulation:
"Self-regulation involves the steps you take to manage and marshal your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors so that you can do what is necessary to achieve your goals."
Through the various chapters in her book, she shows us different perspectives on how to relate to ourselves, the task at hand, and the journey along the way.
Common Causes of Procrastination
First, Sirois points to some common habits of thinking that create or amplify our tendency to procrastinate.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a common trap that immobilizes us from taking action. It's a black-and-white thinking style that doesn't accurately reflect the messiness of reality and creates rigid & fragile standards of behavior.
Psychologists distinguish between two types of perfectionism:
Perfectionistic striving is when we set extremely high standards for ourselves.
Perfectionistic concern is when we want to be perceived as perfect by others.
If this perfectionist bias is active while engaged with the task, any challenge, inconvenience, or unexpected diversion can lead us to abandon it altogether and engage in another unproductive habit of thinking...
Self-Criticism
Self-criticism is a pattern of negative self-talk that discourages us from taking positive actions that move us towards our goals.
Sirois describes this as an "internal script that is judgmental, harsh, and unforgiving will make any difficulties you experience while trying to work on your task that much worse."
If our inner voice is a bitter critic rather than a supportive friend, it's understandable why we would avoid situations that provoke that part of us.
Left unchecked, regular self-criticism can lead to a unhealthy view of ourselves...
Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is a collection of self-beliefs that influence how we judge ourselves and impacts the kind of actions we take.
If we believe we're not capable, don't deserve certain things, that nothing works out in our favor, or we're fundamentally flawed, any inevitable challenges or setbacks will serve to reenforce these beliefs. We may even sabotage our own efforts so that we can maintain this self-conception.
Sirois highlights contingent self-worth as a way of thinking that connects the appraisal of ourself to the results of our actions or how others might perceive us.
Self-Regulation Strategies for Procrastination
Now that we understand a few of the common self-regulation pitfalls that leads to procrastination, Sirois offers a handful of approaches to productive self-regulation.
Connect with Compassion
Imagine for a moment that you were caring for a younger relative that was dealing with a challenging task. One would hope that you'd approach helping them with loving compassion rather than harsh criticism.
The question becomes, why would you not offer yourself the same type of care?
Self-compassion is a mindset that fosters a caring relationship with yourself that allows for grace and encouragement in the face of difficulty.
Sirois proposes three elements of self-compassion:
- Self-kindness (over self-criticism)
- Connection (rather than isolation)
- Mindfulness of our emotions (without fusing with them)
Rewriting your internal dialogue for self-kindness isn't easy but is certainly a project that will transform your life.
In addition, connecting to friends, family, peers, mentors, your coach or therapist, and being open about your challenges can release the pressure you might be putting on yourself.
Acknowledging that every human being has at some point or another faced difficulty with procrastination can ground you in your humanity.
Finally, developing the skills to be present with your emotions while you are feeling them, not letting yourself get caught up in them or suppressing them for a later date, can allow them to follow their natural course and fade on their own.
Forgive and Let Go
Self-forgiveness, the voluntary letting go of negative feelings related to guilt, shame, or remorse due to procrastination, can reduce rumination and create mental space for taking positive action.
Self-forgiveness, similarly shows three steps:
- Accepting the fact of procrastination and any associated negative feelings
- Allowing the negative feelings to be felt and processed (with mindfulness)
- Overcoming the negative feelings with self-compassion
With the mindset of self-compassion as the fertilizer, self-forgiveness can help grow a caring and encouraging relationship with yourself.
Reframe Procrastination
Reframing, a strategy that we likely have experience with in other domains, can be applied to many facets of the procrastination "thinking-feeling-doing" system.
By learning new distinctions or perceiving the problem with a fresh perspective, we can make the object of our procrastination more tractable and reduce the emotional charge it creates within us.
Self-compassion can be considered a reframing of the relationship with ourselves. Now let's point our focus toward the relationship with the task we're facing.
Sirois presents two cognitive biases that can reveal distortions in our thinking, more specifically the prediction of how we'll feel when we tackle the task.
Don't Let Biases Bind You
Recall that procrastination is an avoidance of tasks that generate negative emotions. But how often do we never actually confront the task because we predict how we're going to feel ahead of time?
Fortunately, research shows that people aren't very accurate in their predictions of their future feelings. So why not use this knowledge as an antidote to inaction?
The intensity bias shows us that we overestimate the intensity of the feelings we expect to experience.
And the durability bias shows us that we expect an emotional experience to last much longer than it actually does.
This means, for better or worse, our imagination has a tendency to exaggerate how we're going to feel in the future. Knowing this about ourselves, we can be mindful of these biases and rightsize our expectations.
Savor Every Step
As we continue to shift our attention towards to the object of our procrastination, how often are we paralyzed because the task itself is ambiguous, unclear, or too complex?
When we lack certainty or a sense of control, we tend to become anxious and overwhelmed.
Two approaches for managing overwhelming tasks are classics of productivity literature, and they hold that position because of their potency.
Breaking large goals into smaller tasks or clarifying ambiguous intentions into tangible objectives can make you feel more in control of the situation.
And focusing on the journey over the destination can create a sense of accomplishment and momentum in the face of tasks that seem impossible to finish.
Make Meaning Meaningful
Rediscovering or reconnecting to the meaning in what you're procrastinating can foster the motivation, courage, grit, etc., to start or continue on the journey.
Even activities that generate positive emotions, like practicing an art or engaging in a favorite hobby, can lose their luster from time to time.
Meaning making can come from many different areas. The narrative of our life, the cultural values we inhabit, a sudden flash of inspiration, or the whisper of unknown.
Ultimately you're free to be creative with what any particular thing means to you. In fact, "just because" is just as valid as any other reason.
All that to say, evidence shows that connecting to your core values and finding the intrinsic rewards in the things you do is an effective strategy to procrastinate less.
Don't Forget Your Future Self
Towards the end of her book, Surois presents a powerful perspective on how we relate to time: "A lack of focus on the future is a hallmark of poor self-regulation."
Her meta-analysis of research on time perspective, people's predominant orientation to time when they make decisions, showed that...
"Having a future time perspective was linked to better goal setting and goal monitoring; a higher likelihood of taking action; and better outcomes in health, academic performance, career, and other important areas of life. On the other hand, having a present time perspective was linked to worse self-regulation and outcomes."
She goes on to say:
"In every single study, a tendency to procrastinate was associated with being less apt to think about the future when making decisions."
As it turns out, the more we're disconnected from our Future Self, the less we can relate to them and think about their needs and wants.
By only focusing on our Present Self and ignoring our Future Self, we may be setting ourselves up for future failure or missed opportunities.
If your Future Self feels more like a stranger than a friend, Sirois offers two practices:
1. Instead of a focusing on a singular Future Self that might be too distant to connect with, imagine a series of selves in regular intervals leading to the present.
2. Empathize with the perspectives of different Future Selves, what are they thinking/feeling/doing and what do they need to in order to flourish? Write a letter from their point of view to your Present Self.
Set The Stage For Action
If you're prone to distraction, preparing your environment ahead of the task will both focus you and remind you of the work ahead.
Removing distractions, organizing materials, clearing time in your schedule, all while making sure it's not all busywork masking more procrastination.
If you've used some or all of the strategies above, all that's left is to take action.
We get to decide when the right time is to do the things that are important. Waiting for the perfect time is just perfectionism in another form.
Taking action generates positive emotions and the motivation to continue.
My Review: Mixed Emotions
This summary here represents only the second half of the book.
The first five chapters, in addition to introducing the connection between emotion and procrastination, describe the impact of procrastination on our personal lives, work lives, and society.
While it's informative to acknowledge the link between procrastination and mood disorders or career prospects, the preamble felt excessive and either could have been shortened or possibly integrated into the material in another way.
Unfortunately, the biggest miss from this book was the bait and switch regarding the emotional lens that was emphasized in the opening chapter. I anticipated learning a lot more about how to work *with* emotions rather than work *around* them.
And when hints in this emotional direction pop up, Surois seems to gloss over them rather than provide the depth that would allow for real engagement.
A perfect example, in the chapter on self-compassion Surois writes...
"An important point about cultivating self-compassion— it is best learned through practice and experience rather than through simply becoming more knowledgeable about self-compassion."
...but then leaves us hanging without a way to actually practice.
The tips she provides: practice self-kindness, reach out to others, and be mindful of emotions, seem to be given with the attitude of "just do it" rather than recognizing that they too can be met with procrastination due to negative emotions related to ambiguous or unclear instructions.
Even if we know that the emotional expectations are bigger than reality or that we'll feel a sense of accomplishment after taking action, there's still an emotional charge that will be encountered while doing the thing we've been avoiding. We'll still have a somatic experience. In fact we are always having a somatic experience!
There were only two paragraphs in the entire book on mindfulness of emotions and the instructions are basically to accept them without avoiding them or getting caught up in them. Never once bringing up how to relate with them in the moment.
To contrast, in training as a coach at Newfield Network and practicing mindfulness meditation we learn to work with the energy of the emotional body: meeting it as it arises, being present with it as it activates us, inquiring into the source of activation, and trusting that, just like all things, it will dissolve on its own with time.
Another "just do it" strategy relates to reaching out to others for help. Surois writes...
"How can we break free from this cycle of guilt and shame? Well, the simple answer is to reach out for help and understanding from the people in our lives."
and...
"Decades of research have clearly shown that when we reach out to others for support when we are struggling, this can help reduce our stress and make it easier to solve the problems with which we are struggling."
Yet she doesn't elaborate on that research or give practical techniques on how to do, what for many is, a highly emotionally charged activity.
The Good Stuff
What this book does provide are cognitive strategies and exercises, some new and some old, to help us think about ourself and the objects of our procrastination.
Prioritizing self-compassion, even if it was undeveloped in the book, is a great reminder as it opens the heart and encourages us to be human.
Understanding the intensity and durability biases can keep us in check and remind us that there's always a difference between our expectations and reality.
For me, the most impactful chapter was regarding the Future Self.
There's an inherent conflict with focusing on the future. Many of us, especially related to our work lives, live for tomorrow and sacrifice today for some future where we can finally do the things we really want to do.
But maybe we're really only half doing it, and by not engaging now in the creative endeavors, or exercise habits, or learning a new language, etc., we may be setting ourselves up financially but not holistically.
On the flip side, in many spiritual circles there seems an over emphasis on the present moment. Be here now, that's all there is. The path forward will reveal itself. The future is a mystery that can't be known in advance. Time itself is an illusion. And so on.
But the practice of empathizing with various Future Selves, seeing things from their perspective, and having them reach out to your Present Self seems a focused exercise for an effective dose of motivation. I'll be adding it to my toolkit.
In Summary
Getting to know the reasons why we don't do things can be just as important as getting to know the reasons why we do things. We all have goals and dreams and yet we all get in our own way in one way or another.
With knowledge and practice we can use our mind to influence how we view ourselves, the world, and the tasks in front of us.
Framing procrastination as an emotion regulation problem brings our attention to the real driver of our behavior. We use our emotions to make decisions. And every waking moment we are deciding how to use our precious time on this earth.
If we want to act with more agency and more freedom, we must engage with the full range of emotions as we're taking on what's most important and most valuable to us.
If you'd like help on the journey of overcoming procrastination and engaging fully in your emotions along the way, please reach out to schedule a free introductory call.
